The Journey Continues.. In-Depth Post #3

It’s crazy how much we have going on! Even In-Depth has remained present, as I’ve been with my mentor almost every week. As I said in my 2nd In-Depth post, my mentor and I aren’t as focused on the whole YouTube aspect. The videos are more of an outlet, where I can measure my growth. It’s hard to notice any improvement this far, but five months is a long time!

When talking about my videos to my mentor, I told her how I was hoping to appear more confident in each video. She then told me “Are you looking to seem confident to others, or are you looking to stop caring what others think?” I thought I should share this because it really stuck with me. Yes, if everyone thought I was confident and amazing, I would slowly become more comfortable in my own skin over time- but wouldn’t it be much easier to just focused on my own happiness and thoughts? Pleasing myself is crazy hard, but it would be a lot faster to please one person, rather than 7 billion. Every day, my focuses get more and more clear. Being a people-pleasing-perfectionist isn’t the easiest!

Anyways, here is my answer to a few questions and some of my goals:

In terms of Mentorship, a few of the problems I encountered were the following-

  • Because I’m going to a councilor who I am paying, I usually go with her flow and follow her lead. Sometimes this causes me to not talk about my In-Depth project specifics, or things I was looking forward to discussing. Usually I forget all my ideas or assume she’ll cover it later on.
  • I’ve also been struggling to get on a regular schedule of seeing her. She’s super busy, and I’ve been relying a lot on cancelations.

Since my Mentor is a professional at communicating and listening, I could definitely try harder to keep up my side of the deal. As I said before, we talk about a lot of personal things, and a lot of my past experiences that I’ve never opened up about before. I constantly find myself being defensive and letting my emotions takeover. So being more trusting and open minded  is definitely a way that I could improve the quality of my mentoring interactions.

I could also write down thoughts, ideas or feelings in the time that I spend without seeing my mentor. This way I won’t forget or leave out important topics or feelings. Not that we ever run out of conversation items or activities, but I think it will also give me a clearer idea of what it is exactly I stress about. I also think I should write things down during my time with my mentor. Even if it’s just quotes, or feelings. This way I could remind myself of her ideals, and that I have support from someone who understands.

So in a nut shell, my goals are:

  • Be more open and trusting, don’t just shut her out when touchy subjects come up!
  • Make sure all my ideas and questions are addressed and not passed or forgotten.
  • Keep hanging in, and remember everything she told me, even if I do go a while without talking to her.

My strategies to accomplish these goals for my next meeting are:

  • Mentally prepare for each session- do something relaxing, make sure not to being my stress with me, remind myself why I am there.
  • Write down/keep a personal journal.
  • Take notes, and definitely ask about what I should do if I am not able to see her for a while.

So yeah! I guess that concludes my third post! I also recently posted a “Week Five” update post about my newest YouTube videos and if you want to check it out, click here! If you want to head straight to the action, click here to go straight to my YouTube channel!

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to subscribe!

In-Depth Update- Week Five

This may be a little bit of a late update but hey! I did things!

Five weeks into this project and I have two YouTube videos posted! At the start of my project, I wrote out a bunch of ideas I had for videos. I had a specific order in which I wanted to film them in, but I’ve learnt that sometimes you just have to go with the flow! Some days I wanted to film, but didn’t want to talk for a long time, or some days the rain whether would ruin my “natural” video lighting. So here are the two videos I have!

  1. The first video I have is “TRYING DOLLAR STORE FOOD!” and I honestly didn’t want this to be my first video! For my first video, I really wanted to be able to introduce myself and let my audience get to know me. But sometimes, you go to the dollar store with your best friend, who also has a YouTube channel and make a video eating food! I knew I would probably overthink what I was going to say and procrastinate making the first video I intended on anyways, so I think jumping right in was a good approach. I really recommend doing it with someone else, because even though it did feel a million times more awkward, It was a good distraction to stop me from focusing on my flaws. If you want to watch my first video, CLICK HERE!
  2. The second video I made was really hard for me to film. it’s called “HOW I DO MY EVERY DAY MAKEUP!” My goal for this video was to show the WHOLE INTERNET my naked, makeup-less face. Whenever I take off my makeup each night, I always dodge looking in the mirror after. I’ll wear 12 hour makeup for twice as long as I should and feel anxious with a naked face even around my family. I had to make this video. Even though it felt almost impossible. I didn’t show my complete makeup-less face for very long, or put my voice in the background, to make this video as comfortable as possible for myself. I had a slight panic attack when uploading it- but I did and if you want to watch it CLICK HERE!

This project has been really challenging. Hearing my own voice and seeing my face and flaws so many times feels like 2 steps back for me. But I know that for every 2 steps back, it’s 3 steps forward. I have a lot more

Off We Go! In-Depth Post #2

We’re almost a full month into In-Depth! This project is definitely not one that I could put on the back burner! My goals for this project are something that I have to work at, each and every day!

My original ideas and plans were a little scrambled at first, so since my last post I’ve gotten a clearer idea of what my project is really about. For my project I will be creating a YouTube channel with a bunch of different videos to help me learn about self-acceptance and confidence.

My Mentor is my councilor, and our conversations aren’t much about YouTube at all! I told her about my rambling and inability to say exactly what’s on my mind, my awkwardness and uncomfortableness when talking to others or in front of cameras and insecurities when seeing or hearing myself. I felt like such a mess with all these issues standing in the way of my “YouTuber Dreams”, but my Mentor really showed me that it’s all connected to personal problems that I’ve struggled with for a long time, and never talked about. It sucks to admit, but I have  lot of little insecurities holding me back. I hope in the five months of this project, I will be able to cut myself free of theses ties. With, of course, more help from my Mentor.

My conversations with my Mentor are pretty personal, so I’ll share a little summary of my In-Depth project based discussions.

My Mentor is a teen councilor and after telling her about all the branches of my problems, she helped me notice the roots. I feel a lot more calm after talking to someone who understands everything I’m feeling and makes me feel comfortable enough to share everything I’ve struggled with. Prior to our conversation about confidence, I felt like I have a million and one problems standing in my way. I honestly had no hope in solving all of them! Now? My head is clear. Obviously my social anxiety won’t evaporate over night, but I now have support and a lot of coping strategies. My Mentor does a lot more listening then talking- and that’s probably the most important quality about her, and teen councilors in general! I’ve always been one to bottle up my problems and carry them around, but I realized that sometimes you need to talk it out with someone that you know won’t judge you.

I now have arrangements to go and talk to my councilor once a week, and I’ve planned out a bunch of challenging YouTube video ideas for myself! I know feel comfortable enough, and like it’s about time I film my intro YouTube video! To be honest- I’m scared to make it. But I’ve learnt that cringing at the sound of your own voice won’t stop happening if you avoid recording your voice!

Now, with a clear head and the supports of my Mentor, I’m ready to dive into my In-Depth project head first. Stay tuned!